


The Boys Are Killing Me

by ABewilderedBear



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Billy used to go by William, California Era, Gay Billy Hargrove, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Season/Series 02, Repression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 08:10:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABewilderedBear/pseuds/ABewilderedBear
Summary: In 1984, Billy Hargrove realizes that he's gay. He doesn't really know what to do about that.Alternatively: Billy Hargrove's life a few months before the move to Hawkins, Indiana.





	The Boys Are Killing Me

_ January 1984. Junior Year. _

William Hargrove comes back from Christmas break with a black eye and a cut on his cheek.

Matthew Alvarez sits in the next desk over and doesn’t stop looking at him.

Class got boring fast, because the teacher gave everyone the rest of class to write a paper with their “desk neighbors” about Jack Kerouac’s _ On The Road,_ before they’d discuss as a class next time.

William isn’t really interested in anyone else’s fucking opinion about _ On The Road,_ but Matthew won’t stop looking at him.

“Have anything else to look at, shitbird?” William eventually says, fucking tired.

“Nothing that calls my attention. That’s a pretty bad shiner, man.” Matthew responds, holding out a tissue for some reason. William just stares at it.

“Thanks, asshole.” He grunts, raising an eyebrow at the tissue. He glances up to see Matthew pointing at a spot on his face.

Oh.

William does grab the tissue, placing it on his cheek and taking a glance at the paper after a while of pressing. There’s more blood than he’d think there would be on it, so he just blinks.

“You seem like the type that would read _ On The Road_.” Matthew comments casually, and it pisses William off that he really doesn’t fucking know what that means.

So, naturally: “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“That maybe you think beatniks aren’t a bunch of stupid potheads.”

“Maybe. What of it?”

“Nothing. Me too.” And god, this guy won’t just fuck off, will he? He seems like he knows what he’s talking about, and that almost seems to make him less annoying. Like he isn’t just trying to impress William. “So: I’ll make you an offer. Tell me what you want on the paper, and I’ll write it in exchange for a ride to the library.”

William stares at Matthew like he’s grown two fucking heads. No one ever makes him offers, or tells him outright to just say what he _wants to_. 

“I’d appreciate a no over a ‘I’m gonna beat your face in’, just so you know.”

"Asshole. I’ll take you the library.”

“It’s Matthew, or Matt. Asshole was my father.” And that makes William really laugh.

“Small world. Asshole’s my dad’s name too.” He says, because it's true. "I'm William, though."

Matthew nods with a softer look, but thankfully doesn’t say anything else about it. 

They both turn to see the clock. There’s still 17 minutes left in class. 

“So, what do you want in the paper?” Matthew asks after turning back to look at William.

“Well, you said you don’t think beatniks are stupid potheads, right? Just write shit like that.” William says, shrugging.

“Cool. You got it.” Matthew says. He writes something on a sticky note and slaps it onto the piece of paper on his desk, before putting it away in a green binder. 

William just watches him and thinks. Why the fuck did he just agree to giving this guy a ride? He doesn't even know him.

Matthew squints at something on the board, and William catches a really good, long look at him. The way it makes him feel is something he wishes he could stomp out with his boot so no one will _ ever _ know. 

They don't talk for the rest of class, just kind of staring off in their respective spaces. The bell rings, and Matthew gets up, slings his backpack over his shoulder, and waves a little.

The rest of the school day, William thinks about the stupid fucking wave and this stupid fucking situation and stupid fucking Matt.

It makes things go by faster, so much faster that it's already 3, and Matt and William are walking to the car together.

William feels like screaming or blowing him off somehow. He sits, starts the engine, and heads to the library without doing anything he thinks he'll do.

"Do you go to the theater?" Because of course, this guy would make small talk.

"Not really. You?" 

“I go when I can, I guess. I rent a lot though.” Matt says, shrugging. "Can I..?" He trails off, gesturing to the box on the floor of the car.

William relaxes, because nothing is even really happening, and it's kind of nice to talk to someone who isn't an idiot every once in a while. After he nods, Matt's digging through the cassette box. Van Halen, Scorpions, Ratt, Quiet Riot, Metallica, Black Sabbath..

“Half of this is like, the line-up of last year’s US Festival.” Matt mutters, turning over the out-of-place XTC tape over in his hands. William has that feeling again, the same one from getting a good look at him, from the wave.

“That’s ‘cause I went. I beat the shit out of someone when Ozzy Osbourne played ‘Paranoid’.” William laughs, with an unforgettable grin on his face. He grips the steering wheel loosely as he looks over at Matt, who snorts at the thought and pops the XTC cassette into the car.

“Guess it fits you, huh? Since you are fucking crazy?” And the comment only makes William laugh even harder.

“Listen, dickhead. I think I'm pretty great."

“Whatever, asshole.” 

They stop talking for a while, the only sounds being the engine and the song playing. William might have a burning pit in his stomach from that last comment, because he shouldn't have expected anything to go right with this guy. Nothing would have happened anyway. Nothing _ could've. _

_ I thought I _ _had the whole world in my mouth _

_ I thought I could say what I wanted to say.. _

William grips the steering wheel hard, and Matt notices that.

"I can play something else. You listen to Fleetwood Mac?" Matt asks, but he doesn't get a response. He pulls out a tape from his backpack, leaning over and switching them out.

William feels like he's heard of Fleetwood Mac, and he can't figure out where until a woman’s voice is heard on the tape. He nearly swerves off the road as he remembers.

His mom used to listen to this band _ all the fucking time. _

_ All your life you've never seen a woman, taken by the wind _

_ Would you stay_ _ if she promised you heaven? _

_ Will you ever win? _

“Haven’t heard them in a long time.” William comments distantly, his mind somewhere else.

“You like ‘em though?” 

It takes him longer to answer that than he’d like. “I do, yeah. My mom used to listen to them all the time. That and Queen.” He says softly, feeling raw after not talking about her for so long.

“Sounds like she was pretty cool.”

“She was.”

They’re silent the rest of the way. William’s not sure why he wants to keep talking. The strange feeling comes up again, but he doesn’t feel like shoving it down this time.

The Camaro pulls up to the library eventually. William puts the car into park, before looking at Matt. 

“Do you need a ride back?”

“Don’t worry about it, man.” Matt says, smiling. He opens the car door and sets a longboard onto the ground, careful to not let it roll away. William hadn’t even fucking noticed it. “Thanks though, I appreciate this. I’ll get our paper done.” 

Matt gets his tape out of the radio, but instead of taking it, he places it right into William’s cassette box. He makes sure he’s looking.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Uh, yeah. For sure, man.”

William thinks for a long time before he starts driving.

**Author's Note:**

> Steve Harrington will be in this fic, probably near or at the end! (Sorry!)
> 
> I think Billy has uber repressed feelings, which make him very unpredictable. He has a lot of mood swings and different ways to handle the same feeling.
> 
> things inspired or mentioned in this work:
> 
> "The Boys Are Killing Me" - Pond  
_ On The Road _ by Jack Kerouac  
"Paranoid" - Black Sabbath  
"No Language in Our Lungs" - XTC  
"Rhiannon" - Fleetwood Mac


End file.
